By Ronnie Freedman, Ph.D.

Self reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one’s own person is its ultimate reward. Patricia Sampson

In order to transition from anxiety, depersonalization or merely total reliance on anyone other than oneself, one must eventually take the plunge  and become a self-governing, strong and confident adult. Those with anxiety often find this transition difficult but it is an essential part of growing up and maintaining a full and permanent recovery.

Many individuals who find themselves still living at home, into their 20’s and sometimes 30’s often experience a true lack of self confidence and self esteem. They may also find that their emotional growth process has been interrupted. On one hand they feel safe, secure and comfortable at home with parents and yet as an adult themselves, they find it difficult to abide by their parent’s suggestions, rules and ways of living. They would like to leave the nest but tensions, stresses and anxiety reactions often inhibit them from doing so.

There’s a simple solution to this problem. Independence does not mean one must disconnect from family and friends. It signifies one’s transition to adulthood and with that comes full and total responsibility for oneself. It signifies one’s own choice to live their life as a fully functioning adult, one who becomes accountable for everything that occurs in their life. It brings a true sense of accomplishment, self esteem and self confidence. One is proving to themselves how competent they truly are, through experience rather than instruction or knowledge.

On one level this may seem daring and even difficult for some but for the majority who experience this transition into emotional maturity, there is a realization of power and fulfillment.  One may take their “knocks” while being on their own, at one point or another, but this path must be experienced at some point in development in order for true maturation to take place.

It is very difficult for a young adult to remain in the family home environment without a few difficulties. There is often a power struggle due to the well meaning feedback received from parents. This must be expected and again, this is one’s choice. Everything is a choice and taking responsibility for moving ahead or remaining in the family home requires one to look at the consequences on both sides of the coin.  Naturally, any stress will lead to heightened anxiety but on the other hand, learning to take full control of one’s life,  by moving forward independently, is the true path to freedom from this conflict, and on to independence and maturity. This is the only way one will learn to trust themselves, depend on their choices and mature into a healthy and functioning adult member of society.

Many individuals often find that these patterns remain after moving out of their parents home.  They find they are still reliant on family members for decisions and remain tethered to their opinions and advice. They must learn how to build confidence by relying on their own decisions. This is another area that must be faced when making a smooth transition into adulthood.

Remember, one may still love their family, be as devoted as can be, but also realize that relying on oneself is a sound and beneficial experience…an experience of self-trust that lifts one above their fears and builds confidence, self esteem and complete self reliance, which translates into a strong and competent adult.

One is always capable of recreating themselves, immersing in an interesting career, achieving a fulfilling social life and developing strong relationships that fuel one’s sense of well being. This transition is life changing and eventually faced by everyone who has the desire to grow emotionally, enjoy their life and become a happy and healthy functioning adult.